Earlier this week, I was asked a question I hear often: “How can I prevent family disputes over my estate plan?” It’s a great question — and while it might sound like a legal one, the answer has more to do with people than paperwork. As estate planning attorneys, we often like to think we can solve problems with carefully drafted documents or airtight legal language. And while those things absolutely matter, they aren’t the whole story. The truth is, the heart of estate planning is relationships! Strong, healthy families are built on communication, understanding, and care — shouldn’t your estate plan reflect those same values? 

When families take time to connect and talk about their wishes, planning becomes an act of love. Strong, healthy family relationships take communication and attention. Estate planning becomes more than just who gets what. It’s also about preserving your connection with others, protecting harmony, and making sure your legacy continues in the relationships you leave behind.

Here’s a simple three-step exercise that can help you strengthen family communication and create a peaceful, thoughtful estate plan.

Step One: Understand Why You’re Making Certain Estate Planning Choices

Before you share your estate plan to your family, take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. This isn’t about justifying decisions — it’s about understanding your own “why.” If you have multiple children, think about your relationship with each one.

Ask yourself: 

• Which children stay in touch or check in regularly?

• Who helps when you need a hand?

• Is there a child who lives far away but still shows care in other ways?

• If you need assistance, who's there for you?

Are you included in their family lives – or do you hear about events after the fact? There’s no right or wrong answer — only insight. These insights help you make intentional decisions about your estate planning. Maybe you want to leave a little extra to the child who’s been your caregiver, or make sure your out-of-town child feels equally remembered. When your decisions come from clarity and care, you can feel confident that your plan truly reflects your heart. 

Step Two: View Your Estate Plan Through Your Children’s Eyes

The next step in preventing family disputes over estate planning is empathy. Once you understand your reasons, look at your plan from each child’s perspective. Ask yourself: does it feel fair? If not, why might that be? 

• Will your out-of-town child feel left out simply because of geography?

• Will your caregiver child feel their efforts have gone unappreciated?

• Is there a child who has always felt overshadowed by a sibling?

When you consider your estate plan through your loved ones’ eyes, you gain powerful insight. You might see where questions or misunderstandings could arise — and that gives you the chance to address them before they grow into conflict. This step isn’t about changing your plan to please everyone; it’s about understanding how your choices might be received. 

That awareness helps you communicate more clearly and with greater compassion. And sometimes, simply feeling seen and understood is enough to prevent hurt feelings later on. 

Step Three: Communicate With Love and Openness

Once you’ve reflected and gained perspective, invite your family to have an open, caring conversation about your plans. This is where many families stumble, but open communication is one of the most powerful ways to avoid inheritance disputes. Invite your children (or other heirs) for an honest conversation about your estate planning decisions. It’s not necessary to review the full financials or share your legal documents.

Instead, focus on explaining your intentions and values. You might say something like: “I’ve made some decisions in my estate plan that reflect what feels right to me. I want you to understand the thought behind them, and I hope we can talk openly so there are no surprises later.” This type of discussion sets the tone for trust, expectations, and provides emotional clarity. It also gives your family the opportunity to ask questions and express concerns — while you’re still here to guide the conversation.

And often, these discussions bring families closer. When everyone understands the “why” behind your plan, they’re more likely to honor your wishes with peace instead of resentment.  Communication today builds connection tomorrow. 

Why Communication Creates a Stronger Legacy 

If you’ve ever seen a family experience tension after a loved one passes, you know how painful it can be. But things don’t have to be that way! When you take the time to talk about your estate plan, you’re doing more than preventing disputes — you’re building understanding and trust. 

Your family may not agree on every detail, but they’ll know your choices were made with love and thoughtfulness. In many cases, these conversations bring healing. They give families a change to reconnect, appreciate one another’s roles, and move forward with gratitude. That’s the true power of communication in estate planning — it transforms a legal process into a meaningful act of love.

A Stronger Family and a Smoother Estate Planning Process

At its core, estate planning isn’t just about transferring assets — it’s about protecting the people you love. By following these three steps —

• Reflecting on your reasons

• Empathizing with your heirs, and

• Communicating your intentions openly

You’re taking steps to protect your family from potential conflicts over your estate. You’re creating a legacy of peace, respect, and understanding. 

Schroeder Larsen Law is Here to Help You Build That Legacy!

As an estate planning attorney, I know that creating a solid plan is about so much more than dividing assets — it’s about protecting relationships, nurturing family harmony, and giving your family peace of mind. My goal is to help you build a plan that reflects your wishes and encourages open, healthy communication between your loved ones. From clarifying your goals to guiding important family conversations, I’ll be with you every step of the way to make sure your plan truly supports the people you care about most.

If you’re ready to create a plan that strengthens your family today and protects them tomorrow, contact me today. Together, we can be sure your legacy is one of clarity, care, and connection!

Click here to schedule your call with Kirsten today!